one year of hana's light
One year ago, Amet and I put out our first game together, Hana's Light! It's been a very wild year since, and I wanted to take this opportunity to reflect on it a bit.
Margot, supposing the "go home" ending. Maybe next year I'll do an illustration for the catgirl ending.
The game's production itself was really scrappy. It was my very first game! Amet took on the coding and some art, and I took on the writing and lot of the art. This division of labor was because we weren't originally planning on there being so much art, and because this was only Amet's second game in Godot she wanted to make sure she left herself enough time to figure out the code. Meanwhile I had add the lovely confidence of a complete newbie and was very happy to take lead on basically everything else (???). The result, of course, was Amet having a pleasantly fast-paced but manageable workload, and by day 7 of the 9.5 day duration I was more than a bit panicked, in a sort of "lock in or die" state of mind. Amet took art off my plate as we went, and it still was despite my description a very fun sort of stress. But truly Amet's previous experience with jams and overall project management skills saved the day... thank you again Amet...
The many faces of Hana I went through during concepts! Had a hard time pinning down who this girl was that Margot was in love with.
As some personal color, this was my first time really creating an original story in any serious capacity, on top of being my first game. I'd dabbled in writing very unenthiastically forever ago, but Hana's Light was something very different. And it was scary! And really thrilling! And above all I was really appreciative for the 9.5 day game jam duration because there really wasn't any room to overthink things—if I was going to do it and be a good gamemaking partner to the new friend I'd agreed to make this game with, I really had to get on with it. It was a wonderful exercise in focus.
And for whatever reason, for the months and years leading up to this jam, I really had been missing the spark to really push me to make something. I'd really been enjoying making art and getting back into that, but I felt like I had climbed up the top of one of those diving platforms and really, really wanted someone to give me a hand and shove me off it. And this game jam really was that! I went from having just done one-off illustrations while really wanting to get into more narrative based projects, to one year later having done six games and a comic. Now I think I need to find a little more balance in my workload, chase 3 rabbits really far instead of 50 just a few yards, but I am really proud of how much momentum I found. And with that I've met some really amazing people and had genuinely a series of life changing experiences—honestly it's hard to believe it's just been a year!
Margot's hair went through many different iterations. It's a very funny experience having a specific idea of a character and trying to shake out their physical appearance, it feels like a form of divination.
But to talk a little more about the game. Having lost a close friend shortly before the jam, I'd been thinking a lot about how we process grief and attachment. Really, I just wanted to provide an experience communicated there was no right or wrong solution to it either, to grief. Margot can hold onto her memories and return home, or change herself and leave behind that home. The answer that suits the player best is really just going to depend on the individual and their own relationship to "home" and all of these themes. I remember after the game came out I loved seeing what choice people made, but I also appreciate that it's a private choice that forces the player to reflect on what is previously a very linear experience.
And Margot's grief is intense! There's plenty of possible reads, but as I was writing the game I'd intended for the items found in the mini game to be Margot's objects of obsession, parts of Hana she'd held onto, which fed this little catboy creature, who was in turn a relic of her childhood and past. Quiet plainly, it was a journey into Margot's own grief, prying her out of her own shell, and reckoning with deep feelings in order to process them. The apple core was one of the first items I'd thought of, as a reference to the scene in Water Lilies where the protagonist digs through her crush's trash to find her trophy: an apple core left by her crush. But I think living off Banana Yoshimoto books, which had been counselling me through my own grief, also helped inform the spiritual tone and style of narrative resolution.
My favorite page/panel/CG. The opening is a reference to Vivinos's video My September.
That's not to say other reads are secondary. One of my favorite things about making and sharing works are how they always are their own distinct object that exist in the world, that has its own unique communions with others. That action of interacting with and reflecting alongside a work is one of my favorite things in the whole world, and is part of what I love in particular about games. Which is also part of why it's been so surreal every single time I have the pleasure of witnessing someone else engage with something I've contributed to. Special mention to bodypoetic's lovely write up of the game alongside Justcamh's game Blink, "Seeing With/Like The Machine: Blink and Hana's Light", which surprised me so majorly and was honestly just sort of mindblowing to experience.
Not to mention our inclusion in the 67th edition of the wonderful and amazing Indiepocalypse games anthology... Andrew's work has been really incredible on that front and its such an awesome project. There's a new one every month so please go check it out. It's really crazy to find ourselves in such wonderful company, and it really makes me feel so connected to a very cool bunch of people.
But yes, all of Hana's Light was and continues to be an experience that I'm really grateful for. Margot is a character who's really near and dear to my heart, and it's been fun to celebrate her birthday a little. A year later and I think I am in a really wonderful place thanks to her.
Until next time,
bluzo